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eh eh. i am not always like wad i seem to be from the previous post. deep down inside, all u retards know that i am a nice loving person. and yes to all u retards imitating other ppl, omg, how old are u already man....

i've been staying in alot recently. only slp at home a few times over the past month. most of the times i'll go out at night then book in at night. the living conditions quite bad for an officers' bunk compared to the rest. but at least its cooling at night so no problems with slping. but the camp is reli freaky at night. its freaking big, naval base, duh. the wind is strong. the ships makes funny noises at night when it rubs on the float. there are hell lot of rats in camp. hell lot of dogs. and hell lot of noisy frogs too. and there are owls in the camp, wtf. got one night i was cycling in camp at around midnight, then there was this damn big owl perched on this tree in front of me, staring with its damn big eyes. whoa lau, scared the shit out of me man. then when i rode pass it, it was like flying behind me for quite a distance. sia lah, damn scary man. the dogs, tamed by day, crazy by night. after dark the dogs will chase ppl, barking like crazy.

on the side note. since i'm riding bike around the base everyday, i do quite alot of stunts. now i quite pro already, can ride without hands already. got one time when i'm still noob, i went "look ma! no hands!" then i drifted into the opposing lane and almost got knocked down by car haha. owned....

one of my upper studies at my base is gonna ord end of this month. feel quite sad even though we only knew him for a month. but he feels very reliable, like everything we dunno we ask him. he's also always helping us with stuff. teaching us alot of things. helping us adapt to the life. bringing us around to get to know all the stuff. now suddenly we the new officers are gonna be on our own, exposed to all the things that are gonna be thrown at us. feel quite unprepared.

officers are a very lonely bunch in their respective camps other than bmt most probably, cos there are so many officers in the same camp. i mean nsf officers here. its hard for us to completely mingle with the men cos we need to maintain a certain distance between us to allow us for effective command and control. then for my camp, the officers are only around when there is something on or if got duty, so there is hardly a time when all of us are around. the only exception is for us who are understudy cos we have to stay in. but soon, we'll move on to do our own duties. at night it seriously feel quite lonely. not much ppl to talk to, nothing to do, no close frens around, quite sad case man. sometimes feel pretty jealous see the other officer on the phone with gf every night, go out to have dinner at night. then i'll have to like spam ppl to see whos free to have dinner with me at night in the ulu east. lucky i managed to find ppl everytime, if not whoa, have dinner myself super sad case sia.

another thing i thought about quite alot these few lonely nights in camp. do i reli deserve the 'sir' others are calling me. i dun wanna use 'we' so i use 'i' cos dun wanna offend other ppl again. but u should look into urself and ask urself, do u deserve that 'sir' others are calling u. sometimes when the warrant officers call me 'sir', i feel quite awkward. when they were in uniform i'm still freaking in liquid form, and now they are calling me 'sir'. they've gone thru so much more shit than me. do i deserve it or not. then there are my men. they are no younger than me, in fact most of them are older than me, more experience in the job than me, know the ppl better than me. sometimes the sergeants do more things than me, but they still call me 'sir'. sometimes it makes me feel qutie guilty for slacking so much. its like, to earn that 'sir', that rank, and the respect that the men give us, i cannot jus rely on the training that i have gone thru. yea its true that i went thru alot more tough shit than them, but if i have the same mentality (to slack and wait for ord) as them after i commissioned, am i still one level above them?

i agree that there is very little that we can look forward to during ns. it doesn't affect our lives after we ord. so why not slack away than to work so hard for nothing. i think my job is to make the men have something to work towards to during their time here. to make them think positive. i cycle around the base to check up on my men almost every night to chit chat with them, not a spot check, but rather as a morale booster, to let them know i'm there, awake during the wee hours. sometimes the men will bring me out for their sea patrols on the speed boats, damn cool experience.

i dunno if i can maintain this for the rest of my ns life. but i reli want my men to respect me, i want them to call me 'sir' truthfully from the bottom of their hearts, and will continue to call me 'sir' the same way 10 years down the road during reservice. i hope all u newly commissioned officers will think the same way too. make this year something meaningful, something fun though tiring. and i am not going to sign on for god's sake. i can so foresee gerbert u retarding making fun of me the next time we meet. so lets make it clear again. i'm not signing on. no. never.

and to all those living or working in the east. if u want to have dinner with a guy who has nothing much to talk abt other than his job, ask if i free and i'm more than happy to go out to have dinner.

oh and dun ever go changi village at night man. omg i went there for supper one night with my frens at around 1 plus. holy shit, the place is crawling with trans hookers. omg nasty...

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